The Greatest Story Ever Told

Months of squalor had befallen us. We had toiled; we had sweated; we had grafted. University – jobs – gym: anything that locked us into a routine where we owned no products of memories or proliferation of excitement. Ultimately we were poor, desolate and needed to make strides into the market to get the possessions we had failed to accumulate in the past few months. At the turning of the tide, at the end of the year, we decided to form a business in which we could enrich ourselves with the memories we had been running low on in the last few months of our routines.  Business formed, we set our eyes on the Coventry market where we could invest to reap the lucrative rewards that lay out their in the environment. Sesh Independent Traders – commence business.


Day One of trading commenced 21st December 2013. After being stuck somewhere where I earned money but owned nothing, I hastened to my job in town where by I met my business partner Ryan Clarke to begin investing in the Quids Inn market of cheap wholesale tequila and Jagermeister. After liaising with the workers of said market, we were soon on our way to cashing the memories of sordid drunken talk, reflected memories and stumbling events. We expanded into the Colly market where we continued to dominate and prosper from the booze-soaked arena of gold.

Day Two of trading – 22nd December of 2013. I had sealed the deal and hired my main apprentice from the London market. Joe Waterfield in hand, I gave him his heavy workload which involved a succession of Christmas-timed shifts. He joined the team and commenced trading in the market of Jaks night club in town. Following some heavy work at The Unicorn and The Royal Oak, we carried on the transactions of downing pints as quick as we could to loiter in the desolate market of Spon Gate and then Jaks. As I stood with blurred vision dancing violently alone on a stage in front of the club, I realised that business was booming. We needed to expand. Quickly.


Day Three of trading began on the 23rd of December. Following the phenomenon of my bank card becoming defunct, I began to set up an account with my business partners where by we could trade our shares to invest in our business. My first transaction was with my fellow market analysis Leo Craddock. Joe had taken a day off sick so I promoted Leo to supervisor; with our collaborative buying of Glen’s Vodka we looked again to brave the heavy weather and invest in the Colly market. Wall street had become second fiddle to this new market where the rapid buying of stocks and shares in Jager bombs and Strongbows had propelled the business to new heights of blurred memories, cheery laughs and drunken smiles. We were now becoming big time investors. Let the overtime begin.

Day Four of trading began of Christmas Eve. Because we were working on a day traditionally taken off, we decided to reward ourselveslol with double pay. Double the purchasing of memories and double the fun. We had a business meeting and our young apprentice Andrew Wooding shouted out the idea of dressing up as the nativity scene to again invest in the Colly market. We put all the staff in for this pivotal shift and all arrived smartly dressed in our work uniforms to go to battle in the pecuniary arena of booze. Following a small shift at The Aardvark market, we had collected the memories of Mary and Jesus shooting dinosaurs whilst they downed vodka and danced with drunken 50 year old women who probably should have been at home wrapping Christmas presents. After that the Colly market continued to propel our business and make Sesh Independent Traders part of a monopoly.

Day Five of trading began on Christmas day. This is where we really expanded and climbed up the market to the dizzying heights of the FTSE 100. People were taking notice. All our fellow competitors had stayed at home on this notorious public holiday; I however promoted Joe back to the supervisor role and put him in for his shift. Following some business research all day at home, we decided to set off to his aunties house to invest in this new market. Soon we had took advantage of our lack of competition and signed the deals to own a large consortium of Whiskey and Stella Artois. Following a 14 hour shift of massive gain, we left the workplace at 4.30 in the morning to get our business class taxi home.

sesh in

Day Six of trading began on the 26th of December. Me and Joe decided that business was currently at a peak in the Colly Market and decided we needed to branch out. The Scholars market seemed to offer something new with the increasingly relevant commodity of Lambrini. In such, we had a business meeting at Inspire to purchase some German products and then headed off into the new unknown market. The market was tough but after ringing the reliable worker Ryan Clarke to get him to graft overtime, we soon conquered the market of Lambrini before heading off to do some over time in The Oak. We now owned the majority of shares in the market and were quickly becoming the richest men in the city.

Day Seven of trading began on the 27th of December. I was preoccupied with a ‘job’ and had to join the team late. This quickly became the pinnacle of our business with us having 30 employees all grafting to invest in the Castle pub market of Tequila shots. After walking into town signing a deal with a bottle of wine, I joined the team to continue to expand in the Quids Inn market. A couple of us ended up taking sick days, with one of us ending up in hospital – a classic case of working too hard. Following some more buying power of shots of Jager in Quids, we went back to continue our investment in The Colly market which was now truly a monopoly. We owned it all – the most lucrative memory of which being the phenomenon of signing Blake from Devon to our work force which resulted in him being so drunk he got a taxi back to the old house where he no longer lives. Business was booming; the market was being dominated – we had become the richest men in the country.

Day Eight

sesh indep


And that was that. We had done it.

Following our final shift in Scholars where we purchased the entire wholesale load of Lambini, we now owned the market and had become the wealthiest company in the world according to Forbes. The things we owned were truly reflective of our enormous work effort we put in. We were pioneers; experimental investors; heroes. On the hunting ground of capitalism, we had exploited the gap in the market to become the most lucrative business in the world. And all it took was an idea, a bit of determination and some hard work.

So here’s to the products of stumbling home at 5 on Christmas morning; here’s to the memories of being so drunk you forget what house you live at; here’s to the memories of dressing up as the nativity of Christmas Eve and getting Mary to down 6 shots of vodka at midnight. This was a monopoly. This was a winning effort. If you wish to purchase these products then maybe Sesh Independent Traders will trade again soon. For now though, we are all enjoying our retirement.

The End

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