Part Two of my guide of ‘How to be good at Facebook’.


As far as I see it there are two types of Facebookers in this world; those Obamas out there who connect with the masses by yielding an intelligent selection of statuses and comments on supply and demand. Then there are those John McCains out there who post non worthy efforts to the point where people can’t physically lift their arms to press that magic blue button. Facebook is now a fully working shiny mirror on society; the quality of your Facebook identity reflects the quality and value of you as an empowered human being: I’m sorry but that’s just the way things have turned out. Thus it is important to make sure you are an Obama of the social networking age and not someone who is forgotten about straight after the election. Luckily for you there are certain genres, themes and attributes of comments/statuses that magnet likes off your Facebook audience: through intense research and ethnography I have drawn out a series of ‘like cookies’ that you can incorporate into your vital posts. Please take your time to read them carefully below.

Original Social Commentary

Blah blah blah – there she is again: Mrs John McCain distributing another Facebook status about her bus journey or what time she has to stumble to work. We all know one of these people. Quite simply, and to put it bluntly, no one cares! We have heard these types of things hundreds of times before and I’m sure we will have to suffer them a few more times in the future. Don’t become this person – in this world it is recognised that people crave originality and something new; so if you’re going to say something about the world make sure it’s original and witty – hell if you can, try and even achieve some groundbreaking social commentary (although this may require inspiration at the best of times). If you have thought up an original and witty piece of social commentary – post it! Make sure it resonates with that audience sat intrigued before you with their ‘Like’ buttons ready to fire. Here is an example of an original social commentary cookie below. The subject of study is Mr C Hamill – a 19 year old male from the city of Coventry, England.

As you can see, this status has retrieved in excess of 39 likes, all distributed over a period of three or four hours. The reason why? Simply what I put above; it’s not generic and it’s not boring – it’s a original piece of social commentary that combines the witty and relevance of the words with criticizing a popular well known event that is suspect to much ridicule. What would Jesus do indeed. Next up is the ‘major life event cookie’.

The Big Life Event

Despite the amount of rapists, muggers, murderers and John McCains in this world, there still remains a large amount of kind hearted people out there who genuinely do like when someone achieves something in life. This can be either getting into university, getting in a relationship, getting a job, or winning a game or competition. Make no mistake about it though – the big whopper is most definitely passing your driving test; if this ever happens to you make sure you use large capital letters and exclamation marks to convey your happiness and for god sake make sure you don’t ruin your big moment with bad spelling and grammar! Successfully written, you should see your status reach double figures in no more than 20 minutes Facebook time. Here is an example below.

Not Taking Yourself Seriously

The next cookie to be located is the ‘Taking the piss out yourself cookie’. Deployed by many people commonly, it is seen to encode a message of not taking yourself seriously and just having a laugh in life – which, as we all know by watching famous comedians mock themselves, is sure to be of likeable quality to your Facebook audience. My subject of study towards this area of research is Mr P Howkins who was born 2008 in Facebook time. A descendent of Myspace, he has regularly posted statuses since his high profile move to Facebook; the more he has posted, the more he has refined and carved his craft of gaining likes by using the ‘Taking the piss out yourself cookie’. Look at the example below.

As you can see his lexical choice to use words such as ‘Loser’, ‘Drinking’, ‘Poor’ and ‘Retarded’ whilst mocking himself have enabled him to gather and collect 16 easy likes. Child’s play. We will return to Paul later in our research.

Spectacle

The next cookie up is the ‘spectacle cookie’; this derived from the theory of post-modernism where essentially everything in the world has lost it’s meaning as science has caused as much bad as good and cultural boundaries have collapsed meaning people have realised not everyone thinks the same – we are now all interconnected and anything goes for this brief moment of time where the world has no narrative. Because of this, we are able to sit back and write literally anything we want to; hell, this very blog itself is post-modern. What’s useful to us is the fact that shocking and post-modern comments have a tendency to also retrieve a respectable amount of likes. Have a look of the example of me, myself, Mr R Millward below.

I probably should be arrested. The social networking police came round they did: barged through the door shouting, about to slap the cuffs on me when they turned their heads to see what else, but, 14 likes sat neatly on my comment confirming that the Facebook audience found my spectacle text to be of ‘Like’ness to them. They slapped off the cuffs immediately and apologised whilst promising to each hand me a ‘Like’ when they got back to their office computers.

There are others you will learn about as you go through your Facebook Obama journey but this path right here is a great starting point. These are the core cookies you can add to your Facebook identity recipe in your pursuit of becoming an Obama. It is also worth noting that real time media issues such as a status about X factor whilst it is on will help support you on your way to double figures if you deploy it at just the right time. If you manage to have a status that covers multiple of these holy grounds then you may well find yourself sailing through the double figures with a new found sense of satisfaction sat upon your big face-book.

Stick with me until next time when I draw up some audience research! I will be developing my friend to like ratio model and also discussing some of the biggest new questions of society such as: ‘Are some likes worth more than others?’ and ‘If a Frape occurs – who do the likes belong to: the Frapee or the Fraper? (M, Hunt 2011).

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Categories: Facebook Guide | Tags: , , , | 1 Comment

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One thought on “Part Two of my guide of ‘How to be good at Facebook’.

  1. I will right away snatch your rss feed as I can not in finding your e-mail subscription link or newsletter service. Do you’ve any? Kindly let me realize so that I may just subscribe. Thanks.

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